I am a kite with no string.

Help, I have no wings!

I cannot soar on my own…

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University Attempt (College try)

Oh… Fine I’ll update again.

Muddling through the past summer of course I’ve done some thinking… but I’ve not gotten too far.  Still find myself a bit lost, but starting to gain traction on what I hope is the right course.  Perhaps a business degree instead of computer science… great.  More time at school… and those grades need a bit of help too.

Well, I’m hoping that this will get me back into some academic thinking and a forward direction.  Started gaining momentum today by sorting out some school stuff.

Through some thinking, however, it’s a bit difficult to find much I want to dive into.  As I’ve posted before, I really want something to drive me to do something great… but I’ve not found my calling.  I mean, I have some ideas for businesses and whatnot, but it’s not exactly a metal to my magnet.  Still, doing something great isn’t for everyone.  I could honestly be happy being a stay-at-home spouse and live out my days being happy with someone that makes me happy.

Nevertheless, I’ll keep at it.  I’ve put myself in debt for a reason. I hope it turns out to be a good one.  If not, well, I’ll leave a quote from a friend of mine (roughly remembered, up for an edit if I get around to quoting him correctly):  “Some of us don’t have a Moby DIck to chase.  Some of us just want to go fishing.”


“Sunset”

Night tucked the sun away in a blanket of color as it exhaled its last breath of light across the horizon.


Envy.

What am I to do?

This lost and lonely soul yearns for something to feel passionate about.

There are so many “options”,

“life choices”,

“paths”.

 

There are some who have found their calling.
I envy them.


To do.

Break the stake, for what’s at stake,

Release yourself from yourself.

To see what you can make.


Sometimes ‘y’.

Monotonous monstrosity, seeing how I’ve got to be part of mediocrity.

Could honestly get a lobotomy cuz that’s not what I want to be.

 

Is it money that could let this caged bird free?

Is that the key that could let me flee?

Surely!  A lottery!  It’s plain to see,

Could really change a lot for me.

This industry, promissory, pertaining to liability,

Would definitely be cured easily.

Though my quandary, sadly,

Cannot be cured by poetry.

 


The Great Distraction

I am currently holding much resistance to the subsistence of this existence.

I’m bored with what I’m doing.  I find little meaning in it.  I’m sure some of you do too.  I’m in college, currently working at a major that’s probably not going to help me in the long run.  I’m working to get a job that’s probably not going to make me happy in the long run.  Furthermore, I’m currently not happy with what I’m doing with my life because I find there’s no meaning to it.

What am I supposed to do?

I have absolutely no idea.  Nor do most of us.   So what do we do?

We distract ourselves.

Television.  Movies. Videogames. Internet forums. Books.  Mindless violence.  The list continues.

Why do we do it?

Do we find ourselves without purpose? Do we find ourselves without meaning?  Are we bored with our lives?  I think the answer is obvious:

Yes.

A wonderfully powerful, and appropriate quote from one of my favorite movies, Fight Club (grabbed from WikiQuotes):

 “We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place.
We have no Great War. No Great Depression.
Our great war is a spiritual war.
Our great depression is our lives.
We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires,
and movie gods, and rock stars, but we won’t. We’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.”

The fact is though, most of us aren’t pissed off.  We’re disappointed.

Our ancestors suffered through a Great Depression.  It was a defining moment.  They had to survive to get to the next day.  They had wars, they had struggle, they had strife.  They worked hard for what they had.  I wholeheartedly appreciate what they did for us, but the question now is:

What’s next?

We don’t know.  We’re stuck.  We’re disappointed because we don’t know what to do, and none of us have the gumption to move forward.

So we distract ourselves.

Pulled from a quick Google search:

~2 Million people are registered users of League of Legends.

~11 Million World of Warcraft users.

You get the point.

So, what do we do now?

Do we move forward?  Or do we waste away in front of our computers?
Though I’d hate to think of it as wasting our lives.  We’re living the lives we want to.
Where else can you save the world on a regular basis?  Where else can you be a powerful Wizard?
Where else can you become an architect in your own right?
Where else can you be accepted for who you are, unconditionally?

Where else can you find a huge group of people that feel the same way you do, that find the same things interesting, that see the world for what it is, and escape?

I just wish I had something that drove me to do something meaningful.  Until then, I’ll be here.